MISS YOU MONTY…

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29^th July 2007. It was the worst day of my life. I was attending the funeral of my best friend with whom I had celebrated his birthday a few days ago (July 19). I still remembered his level of excitement while he talked about his preparations for Parul’s marriage. Parul, who sat next to me like a statue with tearful eyes, having lost her elder brother Monty. Both of us sat there like helpless creatures as the pyre kept burning. I kept looking at the pyre hoping he would get up all of a sudden, laugh at me and say that it was another prank he played with me. But life was no more fun.

I wiped my tears and looked at my hands. These were the same hands I was holding him with, sitting next to him in the hospital a day before. I could still feel the warmth of our relationship by holding his frozen hands. Our friendship was full of true emotions, pranks and humiliating endless arguments. He couldn’t speak a word as his mouth was covered by an oxygen mask. But we never needed words to communicate. I read numerous unspoken words in his eyes. Eyes, that had tears, pain and fear at the same time. Eyes, which were eager to capture everything, before they slept forever. An image distracted my thoughts, I saw my father standing before me who told me it was the time to leave. I thought if he had ever cried like I did in the last few days. I left the place after having a last look at the pyre; our 18-year-old friendship had turned into ashes.

Once I reached home, my mom asked me to wash my face after which she could offer me something to eat. I walked towards the wash basin as everybody looked at me like they had never before, especially the kids, whom I had always suggested not to cry. I looked at the mirror and found it to be very dirty, as if it had not been cleaned for ages. People often found it difficult to face the reality I thought. I wiped it with my hands and was amazed to see my own image. My eyes were red, as if blood had replaced my tear glands and my face resembled one of the patients I saw in the hospital a day before.

I came back to the dining table where my mom was ready with a plate of food. I tried to recall when was the last time she fed me with her hands, may be a decade ago. She remained silent as if she exactly knew I was lost in my thoughts. I often thought if there was an award for ‘timing’, all mothers would be very strong contenders for it. The best part of them is that they exactly know when to speak and when not to, as they can easily mould themselves into any situation. Mom knew that Monty wasn’t just a friend, but he meant the world to me. She was ready with a handkerchief even before tears left my eyes. She had also not eaten anything since morning. I thought of hugging her but that would have certainly made the situation worse for the kids who surrounded us.

Four-year-old Sakshu had been looking at me for quite some time now. He was known to be a chatterbox. Thus, it was a miracle to see him so quiet. The moment he saw me looking at him, he said “Bhai, I have finished my milk, now will you talk to me?” I tried smiling at him, at the same time, trying to control the tears welling up in my eyes. I looked at my mom who by now had wet eyes. She put a bite in my mouth which my throat refused to swallow. I couldn’t resist it anymore, I had burst into tears. I couldn’t find a better place than my mom’s lap to weep. My crying did spoil the atmosphere, as everybody around - mom, all kids, my grandfather, my grandmother, maternal uncle, maternal aunt couldn’t control their tears any more and the atmosphere went horrid as everybody moaned. 

I realized men do cry, and that too very badly at times. I cried like I had never before till I fell asleep.

There are times in life when one has to question if at all there is an Almighty. It was a similar phase for me. Monty was one of the purest human beings one could ever come across. I had never seen him complain about anything. He was always content with what he had and was a gem of a friend.

People kept consoling me saying “This is a part of life,” and it hardly made a difference to my state of mind.

Several individuals, who are a threat to mankind, live a happy life and a blessing to mankind like Monty had to leave the world for which reason? Can somebody explain me the logic? Nobody can, as nobody knows what he meant to me.

There are some wounds which cannot be healed by even the best doctors in the world. Monty’s departure was one of them.

‘Thousand prayers couldn’t bring him back

I know...as I have tried

Nor could a million tears

I know...as I have cried’