क'साब' की मेहमान नवाज़ी

किसने कहाँ अपना देश वाकई खराब है,
होती यहाँ मेहमान नवाजी बेहिसाब है,
आतंकवादियों का पसंदीदा गढ़ है ये,
सबसे अच्छा उदाहरण अजमल कसाब है।

यहाँ भूखे नंगो का दिखता जमावड़ा,
हर चौराहें पर देखो झुण्ड है खड़ा,
महंगाई पर नहीं पड़ती सरकारी नज़र,
पर आतंकियों की भूख की है बड़ी फिकर।

किसानो को पड़े भूख से जान गवानी,
और दहशतगर्द उड़ायें मटन, बिरयानी,
चार साल बाद अगर ऐसा हिसाब होगा,
तो हर आतंकवादी का रोल मॉडल कसाब होगा।

आतंकी इसीलिए कितनो को मार डालते हैं,
क्यूँकी प्लेन हाईजैक होने तक उनको पालते हैं,
'आतंकवाद से लड़ेंगे'- सरकार 'सिर्फ' रटती है,
कठोर कार्यवाही करने से हमेशा पीछे हटती है।

शहीदों के परिवारों को इन्साफ ना मिला,
आतंकवाद कब मिटेगा...जवाब ना मिला,
इन सवालों को लेकर जनता में भी आक्रोश है,
और अपनी सरकार, प्रधानमन्त्री दोनों खामोश है।

किसने कहाँ अपना देश वाकई खराब है
होती यहाँ मेहमान नवाजी बेहिसाब है...

If Bollywood superstars participated in the Olympics…

Indian athletes altogether got six medals at the London Olympics, adding three more medals to our tally than the Beijing Olympics. So I made a calculation. If they keep adding 3 medals every four years, then at this rate, we will win 50 medals at the 2072 Olympics. So I analysed that if given a chance, a few Bollywood celebrities can certainly boost India’s odds at the biggest sporting event in the future. Here is a list of those who can actually make a difference:

Sunny Leone...err Deol: Eight Indian pugilists made it to the London Olympics but none of them returned with a medal apart from a mother of two, Mary Kom. But I am sure, with his 'dhai kilo ka haath' Sunny paaji could knock out many opponents in the first bout itself and even the referee wouldn’t dare to stop him. He will have the advantage of threatening his opponents with his fierce look. Those who have seen the movie ‘Gadar’ will think twice before staging a contest against him.

Sunny Deol can also impress the judges with his deafening roar every now and then. With his superman skills, just like ‘tareekh pey tareekh, he could get ‘medal pey medal’ for his Hindustan.

Akshay Kumar: It was disheartening to see no Indian participation in the Judo event at the Olympics. So if given a chance with the kind of fighter he is and with a black belt in martial-arts, I am sure Akshay Kumar can ensure a medal in Judo.

We all know that he is extremely busy with his Bollywood flicks for which he has reportedly hiked his fee to Rs 40 crore, but the ‘Khiladiyon ka Khiladi’ shouldn’t mind showing his skills at the biggest sporting event.

Aamir Khan: The Indian sportspersons/athletes have the tendency of performing well during practice sessions (Rohit Sharma is trending) but when it comes to giving their best at the right time, they falter. Thus we need someone like Aamir Khan who can teach them the art of ‘perfection’.

He won’t be able to put in his ‘Lagaan’ skills as cricket is no more a part of Olympics, but under his guidance, the hard-working athletes might do wonders with a ‘perfect’ technique.

And yes, his job will entirely be to train the athletes to do their best and we will not force him to be present at the ‘award ceremonies’.

SRK: When you talk about Bollywood’s connection with sport, it is impossible not to mention the very sporty King Khan.

I reckon Shah Rukh must have impressed all of you with his ''70 minute waali speech'' in ‘Chak de India’ and hence IOA can appoint him as the motivational speaker. He has done that both in real and reel life (with KKR which didn’t work out). However, he has enough experience under his belt to motive an Indian contingent.

And with the sense of humour that he has, his presence would be a good stress-buster for the athletes as well.

Salman Khan: Well the Indian wrestlers did make the country proud with a bronze and a silver medal at the London Olympics, but if given a chance, it is something which Sallu bhai can do with pride as well.

He is in good shape like most of the Indian wrestlers and Salman Khan can be an apt choice to flex his muscles for a medal.

But before he leaves for the Olympics, we should get a commitment from him for a medal, because “Ek baar jo usne commitment kar di toh…”

Rajinikanth: There is nothing in this world which Rajini-Kan’t. While it is impossible to categorise him into a particular sport, undoubtedly he is someone who can easily participate in multiple events. And being modest enough, I am sure he would amend the rules for himself to make sure the other athletes don’t complain of his superhuman skills giving him an advantage.

For example, he could combine the 100m race with javelin throw and pole-vault (high-jump for Rajini) in a single attempt for himself. So he would first defeat this ‘Bolt’ guy by some 4-5 seconds and in the same stride would pick and throw a javelin and even before it could land, he would have clinched a gold in the pole vault event, without a pole ‘mind it’!

Just imagine, it would be a treat to watch our superhero juggle with the gold medals (don’t demean him by expecting bronze, silver) at the end of Olympics.

Bappi Lahiri: Last but not the least I want Bappi Da in my list. And you may ask why him? Well he is someone whose mere presence is sure to motivate the Indian athletes at all times. Apart from working on a few motivational tunes, he would inspire the athletes to bag more ‘gold’.

And in case the athletes and celebrities once again fail to bring gold, on their flight back to India, he would ensure that we carry more gold than Michael Phelps has in his kitty from all the Olympics!

This article was first published here:

http://zeenews.india.com/sports/blogs/30/blog219.html

(Click on the image to view in larger size)

SUN-SATIONAL DELHI SUMMER

My consumption of soft drinks increased to a great extent as soon as the temperatures crossed 40 degree mark in the capital. I know, for all those who know even a little about me would ask what’s so new about me consuming soft drinks? In that case I have news (read update) to share. There are two unattended bottles of Thumbs Up in my refrigerator since long and I haven’t paid heed to them. Oh yes, my sister often takes a sip or two from them and the way she is going, I am sure I would take her a decade to finish both of them. I have switched on to a new drink-Rooh Afza! Forget the taste, the name of the drink itself gives so much of relaxation to the mind. Just close your eyes for a second and whisper, “R-o-o-H A-f-z-a-H” I am not too sure but it might have given you momentary relief.

And in spite of knowing that they are toilet cleaners (though I have never wasted the drink for such purposes), I am sure all of you have increased your consumption of your favourite drinks (decide your own). Such is the effect of Delhi Summer.

We recently did a story where the dogs in Bhopal have been biting the passers-by as a result of the soaring temperature. Poor beings I reckon. They can’t carry water bottles in their bags, nor can they wear fancy shades making life miserable for them.

But I wonder if biting is a solution? But wait a second…why not? What do we do when we are helpless and absolutely frustrated just because of the heat? Close our fists? Take deep breaths? Grind our teeth? We do everything possible except biting the passers-by (just imagine yourself doing that in a busy market). Be rest assured to be shooed with bullets and not stones if you do that!

The temperature crossed the 41 degree mark on the last day of April. I was having lunch with some of my friends in a canteen. The fans (read blowers) were just too much to bear and even the food we were having was no different. No one complained of less salt in the food as I am sure everybody sweating litres would have compensated for the deficit. Nobody uttered a word and just somehow gulped the food. That’s what happens during Delhi Summer.

May 04, 2011. As usual I was on my way to office travelling in the DTC bus, that low floor green bus. I was all wet because of the heat and so were others. Finding a seat in a bus was like asking for too much. Using my long hands, I reached the conductor and asked for a ticket. This is a strange feeling when you want (read curse) the conductor to hand over the ticket ASAP. But he would take his own sweet time, tear limited tickets unlimited number of times before handing it over to you. Even before I could receive my ticket, there were people from all corners of the bus forwarding their ‘chillars’ with a ten-rupee-note pleading for tickets.

It’s a very hilarious observing people in a jam-packed DTC bus in a Delhi Summer. Conflicts are bound to occur every now and then. The temperature both inside and outside is unbearable. While the conductor is the one who faces the brunt of the heat most of the times, it is quite frequent that the passengers quarrel and abuse each other. And just to remind you, these are situations which are tolerable under normal circumstances but the Delhi summer brings the devil out of you. I am sure if human beings are legalized for biting each other, most of the cases would be witnessed in the capital as a result of the Delhi summer.

I am sure like me when all of you are out in the heat you wonder if it’s the hottest day in the capital. The rain Gods haven’t shown any mercy to the Delhiites who have been pleading for rain. And mind you, June hasn’t started yet. So keeping sipping your favourite drinks and avoid biting people…kyunki picture abhi baaki hai merey dost!

THE ART OF BEING POONAM PANDEY!

India had just won the World Cup. As the fans jumped and hugged and screamed out of joy I heard someone yell, ‘Yeyyy!! (Pause) (Pause) (Pause) Poonam Pandey kahan hai bey!!’ I just probed if the guy was insane and once I was assured that he was not, I forgot his weird statement and rejoined the celebrations.

People congratulated each other as I saw a bunch of guys having a private discussion. Later on I was told that the topic of their discussion was Poonam Pandey to which I did not respond either as I was too lost thinking about the World Cup triumph.

I logged on to my Facebook account expecting some great patriotic World Cup updates and the first status I got stuck at read, ‘POONAM PANDEY!!!’ Now this was too much. I had to search it out. I did. I googled her image and the screen popped up several pictures of a woman (who looked like a lizard). It was then I came to know about her ‘commitment’ and what she called as ‘an inspirational initiative’ for the Men in Blue to bring the trophy home! This wannabe came up with a statement that ran riots on the social networking sites!

I later read an article where a renowned motivational speaker reacted to her statement. He said that after such a deal, some of the Indian players won’t mind losing the World Cup!

I am sure her next target would be to enter Big Boss season being the most crap contestant and continue with her usual crap. Or just wait for a second. In other ways she needs to be ‘firm’ on her promise for some more time and the reality channels would themselves approach her with the most lucrative deals.

And for all those who are anxious to know about her latest update, she has been hospitalized and will undergo an operation to remove kidney stones. When asked about her unfulfilled daring commitment, the new drama queen reiterated her statement to ‘stay tuned!’

The article is titled as the ‘the art of being Poonam Pandey’ as now it hardly matters if she is up to her commitment or not, as Poonam Pandey is a name which has suddenly grabbed all the eye balls. From an unknown Kingfisher model to the most searched person on the internet she has suddenly risen to instant popularity. She exactly knew how to plot a perfect career ahead. She has been the most Googled, Facebooked, Tweeted person on the net (she still could be), and the only person for whom she could be a real threat is Rakhi Sawant!

हजारों का मसीहा -अन्ना हज़ारे

कैंसर से भी घातक ये जो भ्रष्टाचार है,
कल्पना से कहीं बड़ा इसका आकार है,

वो भूखा हमारे लिए मरने को तैयार है ,
उसे अनदेखा करना क्या सही व्यवहार है?

ना चाहत है ख्याति की , ना पैसे चाहे वो,
इन्साफ सभी के लिए जैसे तैसे चाहे वो,

डरते हैं ये नेता जो बन गया लोक -पाल बिल,
नेताओं और जजों की कुर्सियां जाएँगी हिल,

मुन्नी और शीला को तो खूब गाये तुम,
जो है सच्चा हीरो वो कैसे हो जाए गुम?

गर उसे कुछ हो गया तो मर जायेंगे सभी,
लाख रो लोगे , फिर भ्रष्टाचार मिटेगा ना कभी,

इस देश का युवा जिस दिन जाग जायेगा,
भ्रष्टाचार मुक्त भारत उभर कर सामने आयेगा,

कुछ नहीं कर सकते तो यारों जनचेतना जगाओ,
अन्ना हजारे के सपने से सबको अवगत कराओ!

WHEN THE CUP CAME BACK HOME…

That six sailed into the stands, as firecrackers adorned the sky

The nation rose on its feet and Men in Blue began to cry.

They fought for the Cup, they fought for country’s pride,

Cricket is the only religion which does not divide.

The drum beats deafened the ears and the fans thronged the streets,

There was no end to celebrations, as shops went out of sweets.

It took Men in Blue, 28 years to repeat the history

They held their nerves to perfection that led to the remarkable victory.

They ran holding the tricolor, with their heads held high,

I had a lump in my throat as Tendulkar wept with joy.

It’s altogether a different team that no more succumbs to pressure,

The team is full of gems; the squad is a perfect treasure.

We will cherish these memories forever, when we all bled blue,

When the dream of 1.2 billion people, brilliantly came true.

It was a tribute to the master, the one we love so much,

It was led by MS Dhoni, the captain with a midas touch.

We defeated the arrogant Aussies, we defeated arch-rival Pakistan

Both the wins were overwhelming, it was a reformed Hindustan.

I am proud to be an Indian, I am proud of this Indian team,

My happiness has no boundaries, I want to jump, dance and scream.

It still seems to be a dream, the way we saw them play

We are the World Champions and the memories won’t fade away…